Portland Plaice, Portland Street, Manchester

With eight pound coins rattling round in my back pocket and seeing as Friday is the sabbath of the fish and chips faithful, I decided to venture to the aforementioned establishment after work for my weekly prayer to the mushy pea gods (pea wet being the messiah). Staring up at the menu (which was as much point as yesterday’s election). I opted for fish, chips and gravy, standard Friday fodder from my neck of the woods.

First they loaded the tray with a huge amount of decent sized chips, which made me slobber with excitement. The excitement was soon replaced with confusion as I watched them pick up a huge fish and place it on the chips, I wondered if they had forgotten about the gravy? As the chip attendant moved to the back of the shop and lifted a lid off a pan, I gazed in open mouthed horror as they poured gravy over that lovely fish, like watching Chariots of Fire, it was all happening in slow motion.

There are some things in life that you just don’t do. They aren’t written down, or passed through the generations, they are just known! You don’t eat yellow snow, you don’t pull on Superman’s cape, you don’t piss into the wind, you don’t call ‘Iron’ Mike Tyson a softarse and you NEVER EVER EVER POUR GRAVY OVER THE FISH. Taking my tray of spoilt sodden sabbath nosh, I headed back to my Apartment, bottom lip trembling with disappointment.

I sat down and opened the carton to determine as to what extent the school boy error had ruined my meal (I take that back, a school boy would not make such a bad mistake). The actual quantity of the meal surprised me, the fish was even bigger than at first glance and the portion of chips was epic.

On their own the three elements that make up this meal where excellent, the chips were cooked to perfection and lightly seasoned to add taste. The gravy was truly awesome, tasty, runny enough to soggyify your chips and thick enough to stick to your ribs (as it should). Even after gravygate the fish was also top notch, the inside was expertly cooked, sadly cannot comment on the crispy batter, but I still consumed the entire meal.

After the roller-coaster of emotions I would definitely recommend the Portland Plaice. I don’t think it be will beaten on the size of the portions (justifying the cost??? Slightly over priced in my opinion) and the quality of the product was excellent, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make sure they get what you ordered right.