Thursday 6” Sub of the Day: BMT on Herb & Cheese £2.29.

Subway.  Started out so well, sunk so low.  Remember when the Sub of the Day was £1.79?  Remember the days when they used to give out rewards (buy six get one free)?  Or when they used to make it in their words “how you like it”?  Now it’s more like “how we like you to have it“, i.e. with little to no filling whatsoever.  Also, they take every single opportunity to up-sell you more and more.  They honestly put McDonalds to shame for this.  I’m pretty sure Subway would happily ask if you wanted to supersize given half the chance.

I’ve been to Subway a shamefully substantial amount of times over the years and here’s what I’ve learned:

  1. Do not experiment with anything on the menu as it isn’t worth the effort – stick to what you know
  2. Sub of the Day is the only reason to go, otherwise you might as well sink your cash into something worthwhile and go and have a ‘proper’ lunch
  3. The quantity of filling you receive is inversely proportional to the number of years/months/weeks that this store has been operating
  4. The cost of your sub = [x+20p], where ‘x’ is equal to the number of Subway subs you have consumed to date (e.g. my Subs cost approximately £16,864.00 these days)
  5. The length of your rage fuse is equal to your starting fuse (let’s call this ‘n’) divided by ‘y’, where ‘y’ is equivalent to the number of questions you are asked by the idiotically titled “sandwich artists” as you move along the line trying to prise your lunch from the collective artists’ grasping clutches

This is how I’d like the transaction to go:

‘6” BMT on herb & cheese with everything but olives, please.’

‘£1.79, please, sir.’

‘Thanks, bye.’

Here’s how it actually goes:

‘6” BMT on herb & cheese with everything but olives, please.’

‘Which bread?’

‘Herb & cheese, please’

‘Double cheese for extra 50p?’

‘No, thanks.’

‘Toaster for extra 60p?’

‘No, thank you.’

‘Extra salad for extra 70p?’

‘No, thanks anyway.’

‘Double it up for an extra £5?’

‘Please: no, thank you so much.’

‘Cookie with that for extra £17?’

‘No, just, no.’

‘Drink with that for extra £100?’

‘NO.’

‘Anything else with that for an extra -’

‘For the love of God, just GIVE ME MY DAMNED SANDWICH!!’

Actually, that extract is heavily edited for brevity.  Anyway, you finally get your sandwich and tuck in, and you know what?  It’s just not very good.

SubWAY?  More like SubPAR.

PS.  Anyone know what BMT stands for?  (My unimaginative guess would be Bad Meaty Tripe . . .)

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