Posts tagged sandwich
ALDI, Market Street
0Chicken Salad Sandwich 99p
There must have been an altruistic psychic making sandwiches on the factory line for Aldi this morning. Knowing that a purchase from their paltry sandwich selection usually leads me inexorably into a mental battle with suicidal impulses this humane telepath clearly lent a generous hand in the preparation of the unusually agreeable ingredients.
Normally with a cheap-ass ALDI chicken/ham/bacon/insert-meat-here sandwich there is an almost profound abundance of salty sandy dryness, to the near exclusion of filling and sauce. This experience of painful aridity, akin to chewing on a used sandal, is what usually triggers my downward spiralling thoughts of permanent self-harm. In this instance, my unnamed guardian spotted this sad potential and sought to assuage my aching soul and rumbling stomach.
Resigning myself to the barren flavours but undeniable affordability of the meek chicken sandwich I tucked in, inconsolable tears of resignation threatening to flood my eyes, when suddenly my endorphins kicked in, seizing upon the slightest thread of zest and throttling the essence from it with every ounce of strength in my otherwise resource-depleted brain. Clawing back positivity from the black abysses of blandworld, it was like travelling the long savoury road to redemption via the medium of chewing.
Your mileage may vary, and this experience was particularly circumstantial, borne of impecunious financial standing and boosted by unexpected fervour responding to the natural elation of dodging suicide. But next time I’m staggering along Market Street screaming at the skies for inspiration and weeping at strangers to give me direction to food, I know I’ll be able to drag myself to the realisation that: the ALDI over there? It aint so bad. And thank goodness for their psychic staff…
Philpotts, City Tower, Manchester
2£6.10 for sandwich, tyrells crisps, can of pop and “divine” chocolate bar
Its fair to say that not much can go wrong with a chicken, bacon and avocado sandwich with a squeeze of lemon and a grind of S&P. Not much did go wrong and it was a tasty treat. Lots of mayo mixed in made it lovely and moist and I enjoyed it thoroughly. Then again, I paid £6.10 for lunch and I’d be pretty disappointed it it had not been enjoyable.
Verdict: – a good choice if you’re feeling flush or its raining and you dont want to let the rain ruin your ‘do
Marks & Spencer, Piccadilly Gardens, Manchester
3Ploughmans triangle sandwich £2.15
Continuing my senseless pursuit of high class grub-joints in Manchester, I found myself inexplicably browsing the banal triangle sandwich section of Marks & Sparks with the masochistic listlessness of the lost, lovelorn, local working schlep. Still full from a home-made breakfast fry-up I opted for something sacrilegiously meatless and got in on the Ploughmans action. And boy was I whelmed. Neither underwhelmed, nor overwhelmed, just well and truly, utterly whelmed. And the whelming didn’t stop from first mouthful to the last. So uninteresting and lacklustre was the flavour that my mind dropped through some long, dark abysses, far from the light of flavour and zest down into cavernous realms of downright palpable ennui.
What unknown mystical strength brought me through to the end of this arduously monotonous chewing exercise I may never learn, suffice to say that the soul-sapping mediocrity of the experience could only truly by whelmed further (either underwhelmed or overwhelmed) by a stint of self-abusive shelf-gawking down at Aldi. In summary then, as they say on the internet: meh.
This isn’t just food – food it just isn’t.
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